Another Scammer

Seems inventing "facts" to wring a buck out of someone is the American way.

I came home one day recently to find a folded sheet of white paper taped to my front door.

Do you know how Riverview ranks in
crime on a scale from 1 (low) to 10
(high) according to the U.S. Census
Bureau's American Community Survey?

For violent crime, it says, "we come in at a 6." For property crime it's a 7. In both cases, according to the flyer, "the U.S. average is 3."

At first glance it looks pretty scary, doesn't it? I could have placed myself in mortal danger simply by reading this thing before going inside!

Which is the idea. "What can I do to make myself safer?" People will ask. So how convenient that the flyer is a pitch to attend a meeting about "our new Neighborhood Watch Program."

It promises that an administrator from our HOA (homeonwers association) will be there as well as a sheriff's deputy.

And, look! Also there will be a security system salesman. He "will demo personal property security options." A photocopy of his card appears in the lower right-hand side of the flyer.

Now the scam alarm is going off. Once that kicks in my brain function follows and I realize that on any evenly-weighted scale from 1 to 10, the average is never 3.

What is five, Alex?

Then a little research showed that the U.S. Census Bureau's American community Survey, while real, does not count crime statistics. That would be the National Crime Victimization Survey, conducted by the U.S. Justice Department.

So the survey results are fiction. And it looks pretty certain that this whole thing is a ruse designed to lure me into a meeting with a guy who will use high pressure scare tactics to sell me a home security system.

Which, oh by the way, I already have.

If this person had actually contacted our HOA, he might have learned that all of our homes came with a security system included. Whether to pay for a monitoring service was left to each home buyer but the keypad and the rest of the hardware is already in place.

He may be a little disappointed in the turnout of his event. I got home not long after the flyers had been posted to all of our doors. Most were still up.

Until I walked around the neighborhood and peeled them all off.

UPDATE: Our HOA administrator informs me that the flyers were posted by a neighbor. The statistics are still bogus and the flyer still seems fishy but I have deleted the name of the security system salesperson because I don't know what role, if any, he had in the flyer's creation or the event's planning.

GQ? NO!

I have created a new label for posts called "Scams" as I report people's attempts to sneak money from me. Some of them are perfectly legal, if still scummy. Some may not be. Here's one that's on the line.

An envelope came in the mail from GQ Magazine yesterday. I usually throw these solicitations out unread and I don't know what spurred me to open this one. I made the mistake of subscribing to Esquire so now other magazines (including GQ, Men's Health and Playboy) regularly send me pitches.

When I've opened them in the past, the envelopes have contained letters telling me how much smarter, richer and sexier I would be if only I paid them to send me their magazine. This must be true. I mean, who gets laid more than a guy who sells magazines? That's what I want to be when I grow up.

Yet I have somehow resisted. I got the Esquire only because it was just $11 for two years and even at that rate it's not vital to my well-being as a functioning citizen.

But GQ doesn't want to take NO for an answer. And it tried a new tack. Instead of trying to sell me an order; it told me I had already placed one. "ACKNOWLEDGEMENT," it read at the top. "THANK YOU FOR YOUR ORDER!" And below that:

Dear John Mcquiston:
          Thank you for ordering GQ magazine. Your first issue should be arriving shortly.
          We are billing in 4 monthly installments. Your first payment of $6.02 is now due. Please return the attached bill with your check payment to GQ. Respond by 2/11/2008 to receive our exclusive GQ Gym Bag -- FREE with your FULL payment.

Charles Simpson, For GQ

P.S. As a subscriber, you are saving over 75% off the cover price.

Why, that's fantastic! Only I intend to save 100% off the cover price as well as the trouble of flipping through hundreds of photos of anorexic people dressed in expensive clothes by keeping my check and returning the bill in their pre-paid envelope marked "DID NOT ORDER. DO NOT WANT. REMOVE MY NAME FROM YOUR MAILING LIST."

But I wonder if this is a tactic targeting Florida. We have a lot of older people who might see a bill and figure, "I don't remember ordering GQ but if this says I did, I must have. When's the payment due?" And they'd dutifully write a check. My mother would.

I don't know that this is fraud but it sure edges dangerously close, if you ask me. Which you didn't but I told you anyway.

A Scam Indeed?

I got an interesting piece of mail yesterday that immediately screamed "SCAM!" at me.

An outfit calling itself "FL Certified Deed Services" sent me a letter offering me a "Certified Copy of your Deed." "If you don't already have this important document," the letter states, "you should obtain one NOW." Conveniently enough, FL Certified Deed Services will do it for me for a mere $65.00, plus $4.95 for shipping and handling.

Let's forget for a moment that I can call the Hillsborough County Clerk of Circuit Court's office myself (Phone: 813-276-8100, ext. 3461 for the Official Records Department) and get a certified copy of my deed for less than $10. It costs $2.50 per page. The woman I spoke to said that deeds generally run 1-3 pages.

If I don't need a certified copy, I can get one for free from the Clerk's web site. In fact, I did.

I logged on to hillsclerk.com, and clicked "Online Services" on the left-hand side of the page. That offers a drop-down menu. I clicked "Online Searches" then "Search Official Records." I agreed to the disclaimer and it took me to the search page. I typed my name in, specified a date range, hit "Search" and up came the matching record. I clicked on that and the site generated a PDF file of my deed. Done.

Even before I took the time to discover that, some things about the letter smelled fishy. It explained that the deed to my property was recorded by the "Hillsborough County Register's office." No such office exists. The letter cited the "U.S. Government Federal Citizen Information Center" as recommending that property owners have a certified copy of their deed. But Google "U.S. Government Federal Citizen Information Center" and you learn that there is no office by that name. In fact most of the results point to articles and even government sites warning people away from these "deed services" offering the same overpriced deal.

It doesn't help its case that FL Deed Services says it's located in Miami but the phone number to which you fax your order (609-360-0416) has the area code of Trenton, New Jersey. Google that and you find that NY Deed Services also uses the same number.

And the final giveaway is at the bottom of the page:

FL Certified Deed Services is not affiliated
with the "State of Florida."
MANY GOVERNMENT RECORDS ARE AVAILABLE FREE OR  AT A NOMINAL COST FROM GOVERNMENT AGENCIES
These aren't technically scams. But if I sent you a letter offering to order a pizza for you for 80 bucks, you'd know that you can call Papa John's yourself and have one delivered for a fraction of that price. When I asked the woman at the Clerk's office about the letter I had received from FL Certified Deed Services, she replied with a question of her own: "Do you have a garbage can?"

Scammers Who

Seems the suspicion I mentioned a couple posts below is correct. This Cambridge Who's Who outfit collects names and phone numbers so it can call people and give them a high pressure sales pitch. The letter I got says "there is no cost to be included" but Cambridge would prefer that you pay $600 or more for the privilege.

It finds its candidates for this exclusive honor by buying magazine subscription lists. (Thanks Esquire. Was that your parting gift to me for not renewing?)

This link details one person who also got the exciting invitation to participate in a scam.

Click on this link then scroll down to read the comments of others who got the Cambridge Who's Who experience.

And, finally, This link goes to the company's record with the local Better Business Bureau in its home area of Uniondale, New York. (Hint: It's not good!)

Remember, kids, it's not paranoia if everyone really is out to get you.

Who's Who?

I got an application to be listed in something called the Cambridge Who's Who (www.cambridgewhoswho.com). I've heard of Who's Who but didn't know there were different competing ones. At the bottom of my letter it reads: Cambridge Who's Who is proudly not associated or affiliated with any other Who's Who Publication or Organization.

I'd like to feel flattered, I really would. After all, according to the letter, "Recognition of this kind is an honor shared by thousands of executives and professionals throughout America each year. Inclusion is considered by many as the single highest mark of achievement." Yes, forget about the year-end bonus or those stock options, it's being listed in the Cambridge Who's Who that has made my year!

But my cynical side tells me that the whole thing is designed to collect information about me for mailing and calling lists, including calls to sell me the Cambridge Who's Who publication I should feel so honored to grace.