Overheard Inside My Head

If you followed me on Twitter, you'd get stuff like this in smaller doses.

Time goes faster yet the weeks still grow longer.

If you're going to be stereotyped because of looks, better it be because you're beautiful rather than because you're ugly.

Friend: "If I were on Twitter I would have tweeted that."

Whew. House guest gone. It's safe to drink straight from the milk carton.

Most things aren't meant to be, they're made to be.

Cautious optimism: Buying condoms, but keeping the receipt.

Another, er, benefit of cat ownership: You learn how to clean carpets of all varieties of messes.

Stick out your chin. It will look like you have fewer of them.

Every few months I eat a cheeseburger and fries just to remind myself why it's a bad idea.

Wow. It must be a special occasion. I washed my feet. But not too much. I didn't want to look like I was trying.

I am trying to decide which is worse: That people write "OMG!" to express surprise. Or that now they actually say "O-M-G!" out loud.

That's true. You don't know me well. And as long as it stays that way, you might still like me.

There is no way to explain the purpose of push-ups to a cat.

If no reply is written, that is an answer by itself.