Saturday, October 24, 2009

Medically Necessary?

I'm having a colonoscopy Monday. When I called my insurance company to find out what the co-pay would be, the customer service rep asked if the procedure was medically necessary.

"No, ma'am. This is for fun. I'm having a recreational colonoscopy."

OK, I didn't actually say that. And if you think about it, insurance companies give it to you up the rectum as a routine practice so the question is not as ridiculous as it sounds.

Yes, I know: You're still thinking, as any normal person would, "Medically necessary? Are you kidding? Why else would anyone undergo that procedure — especially the two days of starvation mixed with the intentional overdose of laxatives necessary beforehand?"**

Because insurance company customer service reps are not normal people — they have sticks where their colons would be — I had to explain that the procedure was ordered by my doctor to help him pay his children's tuition at Duke University.

**Now you know how my weekend is shaping up. Want to join me? I have a refrigerator full of fruit juices, Gatorade and root beer. We'll make it a party! Just stay out of my stash of magnesium citrate.

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