Saturday, April 26, 2008

Holy Bleep

I actually said that when I opened the photograph below. Not "holy (swear word usually bleeped out)" but "holy bleep." Since I occasionally have to appear on live television, I've found that it's better not to have any words in my vocabulary that could prove troublesome should I utter them on the air.

So I really say things like "bleep" and "blank," such as "I'm blanking Matt Damon," which is Sarah Silverman's line, not mine but used here as an example. Given the choice, I'd blank Sarah Silverman. I don't think she's funny (if you've never heard of her, she's allegedly a comedienne but one who seems not to grasp that people prefer their comedy to be funny) but as far as comediennes go she'd rank high on the "to do" list. I'd totally blank her.

I went to Tampa Bay Downs, where horses with miniature humans on their backs race around an oval and where my father makes numerous trips to visit someone he calls his "short-term investment broker." Charles Schwab works on Saturdays? I don't know what he's laying his money on but it must be going well. He's offered to buy my mother a new car.

I've been wasting any extra money lately on camera equipment so I haven't asked Dad if his "broker" has any investment opportunities for me. I go to hang out with him and to try to learn how to use my camera.

My biggest camera lens doesn't get me close to the horses until they're close to me, by which time they're moving too quickly for me to get a good focus or framing on them. Why won't they slow down! Then again, instead of taking pictures of the horses, most of the venue's other patrons seem to enjoy yelling profanities at them as they pass. I would run from that too.

Photographing the horses is a hit-or-miss proposition and I can't tell as I'm doing it if I'm getting any hits at all. After a race when Dad asks, "Did you get any shots?" I answer honestly that I won't know until I look at them when I get home.

So imagine my wonderment as I click through the files and among the too-far-away, too-out-of focus or too-poorly-framed shots suddenly this fills the screen:

Yeah, that's what I said. Sort of.

1 comment:

Jim H. said...

Bravo John! You oughta sell that one to the track.